Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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