i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
