So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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