what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
is it fun? or sober?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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