Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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