I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
