Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
