Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
