we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
