Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
