I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
