Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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