I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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