Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
