im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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