Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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