would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
