If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
