I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
