as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
