I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize