You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
