you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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