The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
