Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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