Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Did I show you my penis last night?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want her autograph on my taint
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
