I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
