i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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