I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
