Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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