Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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