Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize