Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize