i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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