watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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