is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize