Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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