farters have to be the big spoon...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
