OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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