Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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