I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
