RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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