5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
