areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
