There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize