Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
