My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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