This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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