They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
