My sheets look like a crime scene.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
