you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
