I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
