Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
