Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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