I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk is not a location!
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