Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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