so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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