I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
