Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
