Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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