i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
