tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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