A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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