What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
