I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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