there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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