Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You may now shotgun with the bride
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize