I just threw up on my dentist
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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