I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
